Bring on the rain

It has been a month and a half since I last posted. Where to begin? So much has happened! I have gotten on here many of times to post, and just when I start to, I can't bring myself to write or finish a post. Now I am ready...I think! LOL
It has been a sad, difficult journey these past few weeks. As many of you know from my last few blogs, we were pregnant. Then, a couple of weeks ago, April 8 to be exact, I started bleeding, and I knew I was miscarrying. Denial is an interesting thing. Even though I knew, I was still denying it. I even went to work the following morning. Why? Maybe because it was the "normal" thing to do. Maybe because I wanted everything to be normal around me so that it would make what was going on go away. I know...weird! So on April 9 there I was at work, loosing my baby. I called the doctors office when they opened and they got me in. And they confirmed what I already knew...there was no baby heartbeat. A sad and frustrating thing to here. Just that Tuesday We saw the heartbeat and a couple of days later...nothing. I had a D&C that afternoon.
I went home and one of my dear friends came over and just let me cry. I think that is all that I needed was to just cry and be angry...
I cried out to God. I asked Him why? I asked Him to take away the hurt. And I wanted to hold on and not let go... I wanted to be a mother again. A couple of days later, I bought an amazing book called "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I read it in the waiting room during my post op visit. Ok, I could have cried the whole time! Anyways, reading it started to heal me, reading these words that seemed to jump from the page right into my heart. And I knew...God was healing me, and He has so many good things in store for my family and I. Wow!
As I went through prayer the following day, God started to heal the wounds, not just from the miscarriage, but from years of things that I could not let go of. I let go, and let God take control.

So, bring on the rain! Let it rain around me and I will dance in it! I have always liked the rain, not the smell of it, but the rain pouring down from the heavens. And I want to dance in it again. Stand in amazement like I did as a kid and wonder how God could do such an amazing thing...you know, let it rain! Rain, it seems to wash so many things away. The pollen(praise God!) the dirt off of the leaves...it nurtures the plants, the trees, fills the lakes, rivers and creeks with water for the animals...bring on the rain in my life, and on the other side, bring on the sun!

Loves!
jenn