We are pregnant! :) Yes we are! We are so excited! This pregnancy has been so vastly different from my other ones! I have only puked a hand ful of times! yahoo! I am nauseus a lot, but I can deal with that! Okay for now I must go!
jenn
Friday, August 6, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
A Long time
Why does healing have to take such a long time? One week I am doing great. The next I am doing horribly. Needless to say, this week is a beginning of an emotional week for me. I should still be pregnant right now. I should be able to feel the kicking of little feet, the sound of a little heartbeat on the ultrasounds, but I don't. I long for another child. A sibling for Camille. Someone to play with. She loves babies so much. I want to hear loud laughter of many voices going through the house. But I am not pregnant, and there is no baby.
Well, not an uplifting post, but how about I leave everyone with a picture of my beautiful girl?
Loves
jenn
Well, not an uplifting post, but how about I leave everyone with a picture of my beautiful girl?
Loves
jenn
Friday, May 14, 2010
My Answer...
My blankie! Don't leave home without it!
Betch'a you can't catch me! I'm to fast for you!
Oh dad! Come on! Just one big leap into this gigantic pool!
No, I don't like family pictures! My mommy makes me do it!
This is what I think about these family outings!So....YES! I enjoyed the beach!
The ride there was a little adventuresome. It took us twelve hours to get there. Why, you may ask? Well its because the rain was coming down and flooded a part of the Memphis freeway. So, one at a time cars are passing through this one spot. Its o ur turn, and I prayed and prayed and prayed that our car would not flood. And it was so awesome, God literally gave us a "wave" and cleared the way while I drove through this thing. No flooding of the car, although the water came all the way up to the door and even got i nto the car! I know, God is good!
So anywho, we get there and the weather was not pretty for us on Sunday and Monday. So, what do you do on an overcast Sunday with Red Flags? Go boogie boarding of course! LOL The waves were awesome for it! I was loving it! Daniel was freaking out! Camille, I'm sure, was looking at mommy in the waves, thinking, "I wish I was there with her!" Don't worry...our Braveheart was up in the middle of all of it by the end of the week when the weather and water turned calmer and sunnier!
On Monday we went and visited the USS Alabama. It was such a cool experience! The rest of the week was spent on the beach, eating, and I took Camille to a Zoo. Oh that experience is hilarious! Got to share that! So the guys (we went with another family) decided that they would go to the Naval Museum, so us girls went to the zoo. We get there, pay and go inside, and I was laughing on the inside. It was more like a petting farm. They had guinea pigs and baby rabbits. It was hilarious! Even chickens, hens, and roosters running around. Lambs wondering aimlessly down the walking path. Yeah, it was like they took Arkansas and plopped it in the middle of Florida. No problems, though. The girls loved it and loved feeding the animals. Camille kept bossing the animals around, which was funny. Anyways, I will leave you with pictures, which is what you wanted to see in the first place!
LOVES!
JENN
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
I don't know...
My daughter, when she is very upset, will say... I don't know! I will ask her, "Camille, where is your smile?" She will say, "I don't know!" I will then say, "Do you want to find it?" Her response? "I don't know!"
I think that is what has been running through my mind these past couple of days. Mothers's Day is such a special day, and it was, truly it was. It was hard, though, knowing that amonth ago I miscarried. Knowing that I will probably be the only one to ever remember that day. Do I really want to remember that important, significant day? Its a yes/no type of answer.
I struggle with the emotions that go with all of this. Grief is so strange. Most days I feel wonderful. Happy and peaceful, even. Then there are those other days. The not so happy days. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of everything and that His timing is perfect. I remember the vison that He gave me of our beautiful son who is now in heaven with Him. The little face that looked so much like my husband. Yes, God gave me that vision, that dream, and I hold onto it. When I start to get down, I remember it and I am uplifted again. I know that all of this will pass. That the jumble of emotions will get itself worked out. Patience has never been my virtue! LOL
I must apologize for the bummed out post. I know, you were looking forward to beach pictures and a beach post. I will post that soon. I promise! The pics are saved on my computer at home! So the question is? Did I enjoy the beach...OR NOT??? That will be in the next post. :)
Loves!
jenn
I think that is what has been running through my mind these past couple of days. Mothers's Day is such a special day, and it was, truly it was. It was hard, though, knowing that amonth ago I miscarried. Knowing that I will probably be the only one to ever remember that day. Do I really want to remember that important, significant day? Its a yes/no type of answer.
I struggle with the emotions that go with all of this. Grief is so strange. Most days I feel wonderful. Happy and peaceful, even. Then there are those other days. The not so happy days. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of everything and that His timing is perfect. I remember the vison that He gave me of our beautiful son who is now in heaven with Him. The little face that looked so much like my husband. Yes, God gave me that vision, that dream, and I hold onto it. When I start to get down, I remember it and I am uplifted again. I know that all of this will pass. That the jumble of emotions will get itself worked out. Patience has never been my virtue! LOL
I must apologize for the bummed out post. I know, you were looking forward to beach pictures and a beach post. I will post that soon. I promise! The pics are saved on my computer at home! So the question is? Did I enjoy the beach...OR NOT??? That will be in the next post. :)
Loves!
jenn
Friday, April 30, 2010
Beach fun!
We are headed to the beach! I am really excited! In the past I have been so against going to the beach. Now, I am completely open to trying it again! I know, everyone is supposed to love the beach, but not me! Its like a gigantic toilet bowl. I will let you know when I get back if my opinion has been altered. We are going with some fun, great friends of ours, so that will make it enjoyable either way! :)
I will post many pics when I return! I will also let you know what color of red I turned while laying out on the beach. Me and my white, pasty skin! LOL
Loves!
jenn
I will post many pics when I return! I will also let you know what color of red I turned while laying out on the beach. Me and my white, pasty skin! LOL
Loves!
jenn
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Bring on the rain
It has been a month and a half since I last posted. Where to begin? So much has happened! I have gotten on here many of times to post, and just when I start to, I can't bring myself to write or finish a post. Now I am ready...I think! LOL
It has been a sad, difficult journey these past few weeks. As many of you know from my last few blogs, we were pregnant. Then, a couple of weeks ago, April 8 to be exact, I started bleeding, and I knew I was miscarrying. Denial is an interesting thing. Even though I knew, I was still denying it. I even went to work the following morning. Why? Maybe because it was the "normal" thing to do. Maybe because I wanted everything to be normal around me so that it would make what was going on go away. I know...weird! So on April 9 there I was at work, loosing my baby. I called the doctors office when they opened and they got me in. And they confirmed what I already knew...there was no baby heartbeat. A sad and frustrating thing to here. Just that Tuesday We saw the heartbeat and a couple of days later...nothing. I had a D&C that afternoon.
I went home and one of my dear friends came over and just let me cry. I think that is all that I needed was to just cry and be angry...
I cried out to God. I asked Him why? I asked Him to take away the hurt. And I wanted to hold on and not let go... I wanted to be a mother again. A couple of days later, I bought an amazing book called "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I read it in the waiting room during my post op visit. Ok, I could have cried the whole time! Anyways, reading it started to heal me, reading these words that seemed to jump from the page right into my heart. And I knew...God was healing me, and He has so many good things in store for my family and I. Wow!
As I went through prayer the following day, God started to heal the wounds, not just from the miscarriage, but from years of things that I could not let go of. I let go, and let God take control.
So, bring on the rain! Let it rain around me and I will dance in it! I have always liked the rain, not the smell of it, but the rain pouring down from the heavens. And I want to dance in it again. Stand in amazement like I did as a kid and wonder how God could do such an amazing thing...you know, let it rain! Rain, it seems to wash so many things away. The pollen(praise God!) the dirt off of the leaves...it nurtures the plants, the trees, fills the lakes, rivers and creeks with water for the animals...bring on the rain in my life, and on the other side, bring on the sun!
Loves!
jenn
It has been a sad, difficult journey these past few weeks. As many of you know from my last few blogs, we were pregnant. Then, a couple of weeks ago, April 8 to be exact, I started bleeding, and I knew I was miscarrying. Denial is an interesting thing. Even though I knew, I was still denying it. I even went to work the following morning. Why? Maybe because it was the "normal" thing to do. Maybe because I wanted everything to be normal around me so that it would make what was going on go away. I know...weird! So on April 9 there I was at work, loosing my baby. I called the doctors office when they opened and they got me in. And they confirmed what I already knew...there was no baby heartbeat. A sad and frustrating thing to here. Just that Tuesday We saw the heartbeat and a couple of days later...nothing. I had a D&C that afternoon.
I went home and one of my dear friends came over and just let me cry. I think that is all that I needed was to just cry and be angry...
I cried out to God. I asked Him why? I asked Him to take away the hurt. And I wanted to hold on and not let go... I wanted to be a mother again. A couple of days later, I bought an amazing book called "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I read it in the waiting room during my post op visit. Ok, I could have cried the whole time! Anyways, reading it started to heal me, reading these words that seemed to jump from the page right into my heart. And I knew...God was healing me, and He has so many good things in store for my family and I. Wow!
As I went through prayer the following day, God started to heal the wounds, not just from the miscarriage, but from years of things that I could not let go of. I let go, and let God take control.
So, bring on the rain! Let it rain around me and I will dance in it! I have always liked the rain, not the smell of it, but the rain pouring down from the heavens. And I want to dance in it again. Stand in amazement like I did as a kid and wonder how God could do such an amazing thing...you know, let it rain! Rain, it seems to wash so many things away. The pollen(praise God!) the dirt off of the leaves...it nurtures the plants, the trees, fills the lakes, rivers and creeks with water for the animals...bring on the rain in my life, and on the other side, bring on the sun!
Loves!
jenn
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tired
I am tired all of the time! I can't complain, though! This is what we wanted. I can't wait to go to our first appointment!
It is amazing that Camille's second birthday is coming up! Wow where does all of the time go to? I will get some more pictures posted as soon as I can remember! That has been my problem lately. Remembering things! LOL
I hope all is well in the blogging world!
jenn
It is amazing that Camille's second birthday is coming up! Wow where does all of the time go to? I will get some more pictures posted as soon as I can remember! That has been my problem lately. Remembering things! LOL
I hope all is well in the blogging world!
jenn
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Yes, as a matter of fact...
We are pregnant! I know, crazy, ecspecially after the last post that I did. But it is so true and so good. God is so awesome! Medically speaking, I ovulate a whole week later then most. Anywho I am so excited and can't wait to tell you about the first doctor appointment we will have on
April 2.
No other really exciting news. I am nauseous a lot and tired all of the time! But that comes with the territory.
Loves!
jenn
April 2.
No other really exciting news. I am nauseous a lot and tired all of the time! But that comes with the territory.
Loves!
jenn
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Long Road
My thoughts have ran here and there as I began typing this. I have not blogged about our most recent hurdle because, quite frankly, I haven't felt like putting it down on paper (or blog!). But now it is time. :)
So most of you that are reading this are probably so in the dark! What is she talking about? I have been struggling with infertility for a year now. How could I be struggling with infertility when we already have one? Well after much reading and research, it is called "Secondary Infertility". It is when you can conceive one just fine, but then after that it is a struggle to get pregnant.
Yes we have been trying to add to our snoodle family. Yes we know that the kiddos will be really close together, although not as close as what we originally would have liked. And yes, I want lots of kids! :)
I have to admit that at times I have felt defeated. I mean, all I ever wanted was to be a mom to many. Our Camille is such a joy and a pleasure to have. She lights up my world. I miss her when I am not with her. So why not add more to the fun mix!
So we started trying, which is the fun part of getting pregnant! And every month a negative. Every month frustration. And these past coupel of months I finally let myself cry.
Through all of this I found myself drawing closer to God. God has been showing me so many things through all of this. That I am a good mom (yes the thought struck me that we couldn;t h ave more children because I was a bad mom. Yes I know that is a lie!) That He loves me so much and that He has not forgotten me. That He loves fullfilling the desires of our hearts! So many things...
So we will continue to wait and pray and believe that God is taking care of everything and that eventually we will have another baby snoodle.
Loves~jenn
So most of you that are reading this are probably so in the dark! What is she talking about? I have been struggling with infertility for a year now. How could I be struggling with infertility when we already have one? Well after much reading and research, it is called "Secondary Infertility". It is when you can conceive one just fine, but then after that it is a struggle to get pregnant.
Yes we have been trying to add to our snoodle family. Yes we know that the kiddos will be really close together, although not as close as what we originally would have liked. And yes, I want lots of kids! :)
I have to admit that at times I have felt defeated. I mean, all I ever wanted was to be a mom to many. Our Camille is such a joy and a pleasure to have. She lights up my world. I miss her when I am not with her. So why not add more to the fun mix!
So we started trying, which is the fun part of getting pregnant! And every month a negative. Every month frustration. And these past coupel of months I finally let myself cry.
Through all of this I found myself drawing closer to God. God has been showing me so many things through all of this. That I am a good mom (yes the thought struck me that we couldn;t h ave more children because I was a bad mom. Yes I know that is a lie!) That He loves me so much and that He has not forgotten me. That He loves fullfilling the desires of our hearts! So many things...
So we will continue to wait and pray and believe that God is taking care of everything and that eventually we will have another baby snoodle.
Loves~jenn
Monday, January 25, 2010
A little about...
Age: A proud 30
Hometown: Little Rock
Favorite Hobbies: Reading, hiking, taking pictures, laughing (is that a hobby? :))
Achievements: I made All Region Choir every year in Junior High and High school, marrying the love of my life, and having a beautiful baby girl!
Lifelong To Do List: Growing closer to God, learning to be more Christ centered and not "me centered", loving life more, going all out for things, laughing more...
If I could switch places with someone: No one. I like me!
Role Model/Hero: My husband and my daughter are my heroes.
People would be surprised to learn: I love to draw and paint. I just don't do it enough!
Okay so there are a few interesting things about me. :) Fun! My weekend was a nice weekend. It went by way to fast! I made a yummy meal last night! I am enjoying cooking more and more. Saturday I went to a baby shower and that was nice. There were some fun people there!
I hope everyone's weekend went great!
Blessings!
jenn
Hometown: Little Rock
Favorite Hobbies: Reading, hiking, taking pictures, laughing (is that a hobby? :))
Achievements: I made All Region Choir every year in Junior High and High school, marrying the love of my life, and having a beautiful baby girl!
Lifelong To Do List: Growing closer to God, learning to be more Christ centered and not "me centered", loving life more, going all out for things, laughing more...
If I could switch places with someone: No one. I like me!
Role Model/Hero: My husband and my daughter are my heroes.
People would be surprised to learn: I love to draw and paint. I just don't do it enough!
Okay so there are a few interesting things about me. :) Fun! My weekend was a nice weekend. It went by way to fast! I made a yummy meal last night! I am enjoying cooking more and more. Saturday I went to a baby shower and that was nice. There were some fun people there!
I hope everyone's weekend went great!
Blessings!
jenn
Monday, January 18, 2010
It's a Beautiful Day...
So this past weekend was a busy one! Saturday I had the oppurtunity to take some awesome maternity pics of a great friend/photographer of mine. I will post those once I get the thumbs up from her! Anywho, she also took pictures of Daniel, Camille and I. Unfourtunantly, it was, like, 40 degrees outside and Camille wanted nothing to do with taking pics, or anything to do with mommy holding her. Talk about a daddy's girl! We did get some good pics, though. Take a look!
I love this next one of Camille! She cracks me up! She refused to smile for the camera!
So anyways, after the fun photo session, I went over to my best friends house for her baby shower. I actually gave the baby shower for her, and it turned out really good! She got some great stuff! Kim and I have been best friends for twenty years! Gosh talk about going through a lot of stuff together! But I wouldn't trade any of our experiences together for nothing! Anyways she is having a girl and I can't wait to meet my niece! She will be here in a couple of more weeks.
Sundays church service was great! It was a message on healing. After church I had some little ones pray for me. More on that later.
Blessings!
jenn
All Photos taken by Tammy Leker Photography
Friday, January 15, 2010
I've got sunshine...
That's right! The sun is shining brightly in the beautiful sate of Arkansas! I have to confess...I am a snow scrooge! Any mention of snow or ice and I cringe! I am in love with summer and the heat! I only enjoy winter because of Christmas and because of the faulous wardrobe that comes with winter (boots, sweaters, etc.) But I miss the feel of the heat. So even though it is January and seeing the sun doesn't mean that it also brings along the heat to go with it, it does give a girl a chance to hope!
On another note, my daughter is cracking me up lately! I can't believe that her second birthday is right around the corner! She is already saying full sentences. I know, at almost two she is saying sentences and boy! Are we in trouble or what? Her favorite sentences to say are:
" All done."
"Good night, dada. Good night mama." (yes I always come after daddy. Never before!)
"oops...so sorry!"
"I did it! Yeah!"
Yes she is quite talkative. One of these days she is going to be giving us a run for our money! She will be using all of the creative, big words and I will be like...HUH???
This weekend is going to be a funfilled weekend!
I will leave you with a pic of Miss Camille: (photo taken by Matt Sweeney)
On another note, my daughter is cracking me up lately! I can't believe that her second birthday is right around the corner! She is already saying full sentences. I know, at almost two she is saying sentences and boy! Are we in trouble or what? Her favorite sentences to say are:
" All done."
"Good night, dada. Good night mama." (yes I always come after daddy. Never before!)
"oops...so sorry!"
"I did it! Yeah!"
Yes she is quite talkative. One of these days she is going to be giving us a run for our money! She will be using all of the creative, big words and I will be like...HUH???
This weekend is going to be a funfilled weekend!
I will leave you with a pic of Miss Camille: (photo taken by Matt Sweeney)
Blessings!
jenn
Thursday, January 14, 2010
New Blog
Its a new year and so I decided that I needed a new blog. A fresh take on life, or so to speak. On this blog I am going to try my hardest to do better with keeping up on life. LOL I have been really bad in the past about doing that! I am also going to start showing more of my photography, which I have just fallen in love with! And I have my husband and friends to thank for that! They got me a new camera last year and I have been "click happy" ever since! Can't wait to share!
Blessings!
Blessings!
jenn
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