My daughter, when she is very upset, will say... I don't know! I will ask her, "Camille, where is your smile?" She will say, "I don't know!" I will then say, "Do you want to find it?" Her response? "I don't know!"
I think that is what has been running through my mind these past couple of days. Mothers's Day is such a special day, and it was, truly it was. It was hard, though, knowing that amonth ago I miscarried. Knowing that I will probably be the only one to ever remember that day. Do I really want to remember that important, significant day? Its a yes/no type of answer.
I struggle with the emotions that go with all of this. Grief is so strange. Most days I feel wonderful. Happy and peaceful, even. Then there are those other days. The not so happy days. I have to constantly remind myself that God is in control of everything and that His timing is perfect. I remember the vison that He gave me of our beautiful son who is now in heaven with Him. The little face that looked so much like my husband. Yes, God gave me that vision, that dream, and I hold onto it. When I start to get down, I remember it and I am uplifted again. I know that all of this will pass. That the jumble of emotions will get itself worked out. Patience has never been my virtue! LOL
I must apologize for the bummed out post. I know, you were looking forward to beach pictures and a beach post. I will post that soon. I promise! The pics are saved on my computer at home! So the question is? Did I enjoy the beach...OR NOT??? That will be in the next post. :)
Loves!
jenn
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Jenn your so right, God is good and he will heal you and your family in this very difficult time. We may not know what his reasons are at the time but he does always know best...hang in there! I will be praying for you. And just know that your baby is in heaven so happy to be with our Father. I admire your strength!!!
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